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Cursor  Member Reviews - Penrhyn - Burning Skies #GameJam420

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  cool setting, but the writing needs work, Tue 5th May 2020
By The0didactus - See all my reviews

This game has a really interesting setting that I would love to see more of: a neat steampunk/fantasy setting, a murder, a cute little clockwork owl that follows me around everywhere. This is EXACTLY the sort of world that I'd like to play a character in.

The trouble is that there are several jarring writing issues that break suspension of disbelief. The writing oscillates between the 2nd person ("You look up and see") and the 3rd person ("Ralph's face is greeted...") it also alternates tenses (so sometimes it's in the present tense "You move west", but other times it's in the past tense, "she said")

Also, several important elements are introduced without appropriate background...so in my first choice as a character, a lady asks me if I "wouldn't mind..." and I have two options, "say I will" and "say I won't"...but at no point am I told what she wants me to do (turns out its "feed the ducks"...of course I'll do that!)

I'd definitely play another game in this setting, just ideally one that would flow more naturally.

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